Following is a piece written by Kylie Devi for my upcoming book, "The Goddess Quest: A Guide for Men Seeking the Divine, Ecstatic Feminine". She allowed me to share this with others for now to help give some inspiration to those who want to be involved in the project. I am still seeking writing submissions from both men and women for the book, through the month of February, 2011. You can scroll down this page further for lots more info, or else CLICK ON THE SUBJECT LINE ABOVE to join my group on Facebook where I'll be keeping people updated with any developments related to the book...
I Want Burning:
Loving a Woman on the Spiritual Path
by Kylie Devi
As I see it, there are two types of relationships people have with each other. There is the need-based, emotionally attached, I’ll-do-this-if-you-do-that type of being with each other; or there is a relationship where two people (or perhaps more) choose from a space of love, freedom and awareness, cultivating interactions from an evolved perspective.
In the second type of relationship, participants must let go of attachment, expectation and projections. However, boundaries are perfectly acceptable. It is not an “anything goes free-for-all” just because it is a relationship based on the principles of spiritual freedom. Rather, the foundation of this type of relating is integrity, trust and a profound sense of respect for the other as self. We do not intentionally play games, inflict harm or attempt to deceive in this platform. We gently nudge the other when they fall prey to illusory mental phenomena that causes suffering, and we always remember that even if we do become seduced by this type of trickery, that the other is never the cause of our suffering and we are responsible for what we perceive and how we act based on our perception. There is no exception to this, and we are impeccable with it.
I must say, loving a woman—and loving a woman well—is one of the finer accomplishments a man or woman could achieve in this lifetime. Loving her spirit and allowing her to be totally free is a gorgeous offering to this planet. Women, like the Earth herself, have been subjugated, dominated and controlled for somewhere around 6,000 years now; so loving a woman wholly while allowing her to express herself fully is almost a revolutionary contribution to human development and the evolution of consciousness. The constraining social and cultural paradigms we have lived in for the last several millennia has been for women like a flower that is allowed to grow at the stem alone, the beautiful petals being plucked before they are ready, exploited, rushed…and then sent into a torrent of wind, landing here and there but never really shining with the depth of beauty that she was born to be.
There are feminists and scholars who explain this phenomena, and there is also a trace of anger in some schools of thinking about the whole thing. I am not here to man bash or purport any type of hatred. I am simply bringing up a historical fact that can explain much about the collective psyche of the female mind. She in fact is much more primal, more body-centered, more wild and more loving then we have allowed her to be. Let’s allow her to be, then.
Have you ever loved the type of woman who simply cannot be captured? Her beauty shines through strikingly even in the most mundane moments. And yet, you cannot even fathom what her beauty is made of. She is wild one moment and peaceful the next, ecstatic for no comprehensible reason, and then sobbing into her hands at something you cannot perceive or relate to only minutes later. In her eyes you see the depth of the universe, yet she can seem so youthful, innocent. It almost seems like she needs your protection, but then...there she goes, she is free. She is untameable. She is likely to do the most profound things you have ever seen, and then on a whim make choices that perplex and stupefy, and which generally receive no explanation other than a coy smile. This, my Beloveds, is the story of any man or woman who has ever loved a woman who is in love with Love, the mystic fire.
“I want burning, burning;
with your burning. Burn up your thinking
and your forms of expression!
those who pay attention to ways of behaving
and speaking are one sort.
Lovers who burn are another.”
(From “Moses and the Shepherd,” by Rumi, tr. Coleman Barks)
This most certainly refers to the second type of relationship I outlined. And if you are in love with a woman who understands this type of burning, this type of yearning for union with the Divine, than you are in for a real ride. Nothing is scripted out for you to better understand. There is no instruction manual, no how-to-book that will get you any real points. No conference, convention, coaching or e-book will prepare you for this. The only rule written in stone is that you must be willing to sacrifice any part of yourself that is not real, that you have held onto for safety, comfort, social standing. You must allow all of this to be thrown into the fire. If you have studied any Eastern religions at all, than you are familiar with the Yab-Yum (a tantric pose in which the man sits cross-legged and the woman sits on top of him, face to face and embracing one another). Male and female deities engage in a complete and loving union. We Westerners have adapted this ancient wisdom into what is now known as “neo-tantra,” which is a set of practices relating to sexuality, awareness and ecstatic living. The practices range from breathing, to becoming more aware of our bodies and our desires, to making love in a spiritual or elevated consciousness.
However, the tantric masters of ancient lineages did not prescribe sexual practices to students until they had become very advanced and adept at the skill of self mastery. This is because while we are on the spiritual path, cultivating practices that accumulate power, we must have mastery over our own energy before we attempt to share it. We cannot share this energy casually. The energy must be received by those who are prepared for it.
Ancient tantric practitioners were making love to their own empty awareness. They had awakened to their deeper self, to the truth of who they really Are. And in this, they would never be able to inflict harm upon each other because this is the space from which devotional love, true love, arises. So please only make love to a woman if you know in your heart that you will never consciously harm her or yourself. Some say the Yab-Yum stands for the merger between Compassion and Wisdom. When you are in love with a woman on the spiritual path, meet her as Compassion would meet Wisdom. Do not do this sometimes; do it always, and she will give you more happiness than you even conceived was available through a relationship. You will know yourself as Divine, as Whole, as Completely Free. And she will love you. She will love you in ways you never thought possible.