Gabriel Morris in India

Gabriel Morris in India
A mysterious cave in south India.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Here's a piece submitted from one woman for "The Goddess Quest"

Following is a piece written by Kylie Devi for my upcoming book, "The Goddess Quest: A Guide for Men Seeking the Divine, Ecstatic Feminine". She allowed me to share this with others for now to help give some inspiration to those who want to be involved in the project. I am still seeking writing submissions from both men and women for the book, through the month of February, 2011. You can scroll down this page further for lots more info, or else CLICK ON THE SUBJECT LINE ABOVE to join my group on Facebook where I'll be keeping people updated with any developments related to the book...

I Want Burning:
Loving a Woman on the Spiritual Path
by Kylie Devi

As I see it, there are two types of relationships people have with each other. There is the need-based, emotionally attached, I’ll-do-this-if-you-do-that type of being with each other; or there is a relationship where two people (or perhaps more) choose from a space of love, freedom and awareness, cultivating interactions from an evolved perspective.

In the second type of relationship, participants must let go of attachment, expectation and projections. However, boundaries are perfectly acceptable. It is not an “anything goes free-for-all” just because it is a relationship based on the principles of spiritual freedom. Rather, the foundation of this type of relating is integrity, trust and a profound sense of respect for the other as self. We do not intentionally play games, inflict harm or attempt to deceive in this platform. We gently nudge the other when they fall prey to illusory mental phenomena that causes suffering, and we always remember that even if we do become seduced by this type of trickery, that the other is never the cause of our suffering and we are responsible for what we perceive and how we act based on our perception. There is no exception to this, and we are impeccable with it.

I must say, loving a woman—and loving a woman well—is one of the finer accomplishments a man or woman could achieve in this lifetime. Loving her spirit and allowing her to be totally free is a gorgeous offering to this planet. Women, like the Earth herself, have been subjugated, dominated and controlled for somewhere around 6,000 years now; so loving a woman wholly while allowing her to express herself fully is almost a revolutionary contribution to human development and the evolution of consciousness. The constraining social and cultural paradigms we have lived in for the last several millennia has been for women like a flower that is allowed to grow at the stem alone, the beautiful petals being plucked before they are ready, exploited, rushed…and then sent into a torrent of wind, landing here and there but never really shining with the depth of beauty that she was born to be.

There are feminists and scholars who explain this phenomena, and there is also a trace of anger in some schools of thinking about the whole thing. I am not here to man bash or purport any type of hatred. I am simply bringing up a historical fact that can explain much about the collective psyche of the female mind. She in fact is much more primal, more body-centered, more wild and more loving then we have allowed her to be. Let’s allow her to be, then.

Have you ever loved the type of woman who simply cannot be captured? Her beauty shines through strikingly even in the most mundane moments. And yet, you cannot even fathom what her beauty is made of. She is wild one moment and peaceful the next, ecstatic for no comprehensible reason, and then sobbing into her hands at something you cannot perceive or relate to only minutes later. In her eyes you see the depth of the universe, yet she can seem so youthful, innocent. It almost seems like she needs your protection, but then...there she goes, she is free. She is untameable. She is likely to do the most profound things you have ever seen, and then on a whim make choices that perplex and stupefy, and which generally receive no explanation other than a coy smile. This, my Beloveds, is the story of any man or woman who has ever loved a woman who is in love with Love, the mystic fire.

Rumi writes:

“I want burning, burning;
Be friends
with your burning. Burn up your thinking
and your forms of expression!
those who pay attention to ways of behaving
and speaking are one sort.
Lovers who burn are another.”

(From “Moses and the Shepherd,” by Rumi, tr. Coleman Barks)

This most certainly refers to the second type of relationship I outlined. And if you are in love with a woman who understands this type of burning, this type of yearning for union with the Divine, than you are in for a real ride. Nothing is scripted out for you to better understand. There is no instruction manual, no how-to-book that will get you any real points. No conference, convention, coaching or e-book will prepare you for this. The only rule written in stone is that you must be willing to sacrifice any part of yourself that is not real, that you have held onto for safety, comfort, social standing. You must allow all of this to be thrown into the fire. If you have studied any Eastern religions at all, than you are familiar with the Yab-Yum (a tantric pose in which the man sits cross-legged and the woman sits on top of him, face to face and embracing one another). Male and female deities engage in a complete and loving union. We Westerners have adapted this ancient wisdom into what is now known as “neo-tantra,” which is a set of practices relating to sexuality, awareness and ecstatic living. The practices range from breathing, to becoming more aware of our bodies and our desires, to making love in a spiritual or elevated consciousness.

However, the tantric masters of ancient lineages did not prescribe sexual practices to students until they had become very advanced and adept at the skill of self mastery. This is because while we are on the spiritual path, cultivating practices that accumulate power, we must have mastery over our own energy before we attempt to share it. We cannot share this energy casually. The energy must be received by those who are prepared for it.

Ancient tantric practitioners were making love to their own empty awareness. They had awakened to their deeper self, to the truth of who they really Are. And in this, they would never be able to inflict harm upon each other because this is the space from which devotional love, true love, arises. So please only make love to a woman if you know in your heart that you will never consciously harm her or yourself. Some say the Yab-Yum stands for the merger between Compassion and Wisdom. When you are in love with a woman on the spiritual path, meet her as Compassion would meet Wisdom. Do not do this sometimes; do it always, and she will give you more happiness than you even conceived was available through a relationship. You will know yourself as Divine, as Whole, as Completely Free. And she will love you. She will love you in ways you never thought possible.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Goddess Quest, Chapter 1

Chapter 1. Make Love not War

At first glance this might seem a silly expression, as nonsensical as “Make Forks, Not Umbrellas“. What does one necessarily have to do with the other? And yet on a deeper level (beyond it being an excuse simply to have lots of sex) it actually captures perfectly the solution to many of the world’s chronic problems.

Men have been warring with one another for thousands of years. To some extent, women have joined in the fight and fought along with them, or at the least supported their efforts. But the wars are almost always of men’s making. Because the choice to go to war as a solution is part of the imbalanced, dominant male construct that has reigned for thousands of years and continue to permeate our modern societies. There are many different, seemingly practical reasons for waging war: territorial disputes, lack of food, water or other resources, lingering feuds, money, expanding power, disarming perceived threats, political rivalries and the list goes on.

But at the core of the male thirst for war, whether between nations, businesses, individuals or in a myriad of other forms, is a lack of connection with feminine love. People—men or women—don’t inflict harm needlessly on others when they’re connected to their own hearts, souls and feeling centers, because they feel the pain that this causes. And they don’t need to continually stir up conflict, aggression and dissonance in order to feel empowered, or else endlessly seek greater influence, money, fame and extravagance in order to find some sense of fulfillment, when they are fulfilled within themselves by a true connection to the divine web of life.

The answer to this enduring discord that has embedded itself in the hearts of many men and plagued humanity for eons lies in the love, wisdom and power of women. Because coinciding with this tendency towards aggression and dominance of the stronger over the weaker within our societies, has also been a denial and subjugation of the feminine principle. It is not the feminine nature to war, to battle, to fight, to seek to destroy that which is perceived as the enemy, to resolve differences through confrontation, to seek lives of excess while the poor and the planet as a whole suffer under a way of living that’s severely out of balance with the natural order.

There is more than enough of everything humans need on our abundant Earth to go around, especially given remarkable advancements in modern technology that have revealed vast alternative sources of energy. For example, water-powered vehicles were on the verge of production twenty years ago, which could have completely transformed the foundations of our societies, including geopolitical changes that might have altered the course of recent wars. But this technology and many others have been repressed by the oil companies. As such, unrelenting greed on the part of some, fueled by a lack of internal fulfillment somewhere deep in their souls, keeps Earth’s resources skewed in favor of a few insatiable elite, while billions around the world struggle to eke out a meager existence. Another example: the recent economic crisis precipitated by a relatively small number of individuals, mostly men, in the banking and mortgage industries in the United States, that ultimately threatened the entire world economy and still leaves many millions unemployed and destitute, years later.

Of course, women are subject to all the frailties and imperfections mentioned here, and a long list could be made of women throughout history who have abused power and manipulated others. The point isn’t that men are all to blame and women are exempt from any responsibility for humanity’s and the planet’s problems. But it is the overarching masculine paradigm that has held sway throughout recorded human history—ignorant and blind for the most part to the complexity, sensitivity and deep-rooted power of the divine feminine nature—that has brought our world to where it stands today, at the brink of collapse on multiple levels. And it is when men begin awakening to the feminine principle both within and without, and sincerely listening to, honoring and aligning with their women and with the wise, ecstatic, loving goddess that resides within each woman, that the world will finally change in some fundamental way and not until then.

The Goddess Quest, Chapter 2

Chapter 2. The Game of Love

What men need to understand first and foremost is that women for the most part are ready and in fact intensely longing for a deeply loving, dynamic relationship with men. And they’ve been yearning for this for a very long time. It takes two to tango as they say. But while women have been ready to dance, throwing out hints and sending alluring looks left and right, men have been lost in a game of poker, oblivious to the deeper nature of women, more transfixed by the thrilling prospects of winning or losing their life savings than exploring the true potential that lies within the dreams, feelings and longings of women.

Because in the typical unbalanced male point of view, life and love are games to be won or lost. Women are to be conquered, along with everything else they either desire or feel threatened by. Think of Tiger Woods and his mistresses, which apparently numbered more than a hundred. Being the greatest golfer in the world wasn’t enough. Being rich and famous wasn’t enough. Having a beautiful wife and a child wasn’t enough. Even having an affair didn’t satisfy him. So he had another, and another, and another, to absurdly self-indulgent extremes.

This exemplifies the big distraction that keeps many men from going deeper into themselves. There’s always something more waiting somewhere just beyond reach. If they make a million dollars, then they want a million more. If they win the horse race, then they spend all the winnings hoping to win even bigger. If they win the game, the business deal, the war, the woman, then it’s on to the next battle to be fought, to prove they‘re even more of a force to be reckoned with. And if they lose then they are no longer men, until they can regain their pride and their manhood by somehow getting back on top.

Men have been ever searching for something that remains just beyond their grasp. It’s the buried treasure, the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth, El Dorado, Shangri-La. That something that will finally meet all of their expectations and desires and make them finally and truly happy and content and at peace in the world. But El Dorado or some version of it never existed, or was never found or else was nothing like the vision conceived of it once they got there. What men have failed to realize in the endless quest for something precious yet elusive out there in the world, is that the Holy Grail and the Fountain of Youth were both simply metaphors for something far more valuable than any material thing, which lies within.

At the center of this constant hunger for some hidden treasure buried at the bottom of the ocean or deep in a cave guarded by menacing dragons, is a disconnection with some long lost part of themselves. That something is feeling. That something is love. Women know this because they are the embodiment of love, feeling and emotion. They’ve felt the disconnect all along, and they know that the solution needed is quite plainly and simply a deeper connection between men and women on a heart and soul level. And they know that it requires men contacting some spark of the feminine within, in order to be able to make that heartfelt connection with women.

But the masculine psyche generally doesn’t feel the disconnect because it is mostly disconnected from feeling itself. And yet, something is clearly missing; there’s a restlessness that keeps men wanting something more, something else, something greater. And so they continue on their quest for that tantalizing vision of something out there in the world around them, searching everywhere but where it actually lies, hidden in the deepest recesses of their own consciousness. And the women, ready to dance, to engage, to make some real love, to explore the depths of human passion and potential, sit idly by, twiddling their thumbs, busying themselves with assorted tasks that help pass the time, feeling the void gnawing within them as they wait for the endless game to end.

The man folds, slams down his lousy hand of cards, goes to take a piss, grabs another beer and then heads back to the dim light of the silent table of brooding, sullen men, hoping this time he’ll win big. The woman finishes the dishes, wipes her hands, glances in his direction; and knows in her heart that he’s still a long ways away.
Maybe they have sex later that night. But it’s just a chance for him to relieve some of the tension from his frustrating losses, before he turns the other way and soon enough is snoring away loudly. They may have screwed and stoked up some momentary passion. But he never actually touched her in the slightest, not the truth of who she is.

This scenario is an oversimplification of male-female relations of course, and may seem like an exaggerated one, especially to those men who have experienced fairly healthy relationships with the women in their lives. But in reality, it’s probably somewhere around average. There are certainly countless examples of loving, cooperative, balanced relationships between men and women all around the world. And yet, there are also many, many abusive ones, as we all know from the news stories and statistics. But you don’t hear too often about the woman who beat up her husband, because it‘s almost always the other way around.

It’s hardly debatable that men have a much greater record of violence and mistreatment against women than vice versa, both in modern times and throughout human history. From the burning of witches to designating women as property, not allowing women to vote, keeping them veiled and hidden away in the home, not allowing them to divorce an abusive husband or even to drive a car in some countries today, to laws stating that forcible sex by a man of his wife isn’t rape, or that women can’t associate with men outside of their immediate family, punishable by death, human society is riddled with instances of male discrimination, domination and much worse against women. And yet it’s hard to think of a single account of an organized campaign of prejudice by women against men. If you search hard enough through the history books then perhaps you’ll find one buried away somewhere. But it will take some serious digging.

Now, in saying all this, the point isn’t to engage in male-bashing and induce a guilt trip in men. That isn’t at all what this book is about. The point is simply that what men need to understand and acknowledge and accept, before anything can truly change, is that women have every reason to distrust men. This is an essential realization when it comes to moving forward into a new and completely different mode of relating between the sexes. Women need to sense and feel that men have acknowledged and taken responsibility for their past mistakes, before they can trust them to move into that deeper level of relating, the one they’ve been yearning and waiting for.

And this is also important to realize because this distrust and wariness has kept women hiding much of themselves from men, so that they are a mere shadow of who and what they can truly be. Women have within them infinite reservoirs of radiant, creative, wise, passionate, ecstatic, orgasmic, loving energy, just waiting to be awakened, explored, honored and reveled in. And they desire a man’s sensitive, attuned touch and attention and love to bring that part of themselves fully alive (or another woman‘s, as the case may be). Because bringing this vibrant, pulsating, juicy energy to life requires interaction, uniting, a relationship with another.

And yet in a sense, ironically, sadly, this is precisely what keeps men away from the deeper core of women. Because on some subconscious level men sense that women are a Pandora’s box of swirling, unfamiliar energy that they aren’t quite sure they want to open up and let loose. Whatever is inside there, it seems highly volatile and unpredictable, to say the least. Better to keep a lid on it all, keep things under control and not take any chances. And besides, there’s a poker game to play.

The Goddess Quest, Chapter 3

Chapter 3. Man vs. Wild

Women are indeed, to some extent, volatile and unpredictable. Deep down they are wild, untamed creatures prone to random emotions, spontaneous expression, powerful desires, unbridled passion, ever-changing moods, animalistic instincts, intuitive, irrational knowings and much more. And that is the beauty of them, to be honored and celebrated.

Men and women alike have some element of primal, unbridled essence and urgings buried deep within our brains and in our souls, which expresses itself in countless different ways as a myriad assortment of thoughts, feelings, emotions, passions, desires, urges, aggressions and basic human love. But most will probably agree that in general, men tend to tilt more towards the rational, reasoned, thinking mode of being, whereas women tend to be more intuitive, feeling and emotion conscious. That’s not to say that women don’t have the thinking and reasoning part nailed as well, as they have proven over the past several decades in universities and in every profession that they can handle all the subjects and careers that men had previously dominated.

But there’s something about emotional energy that is deemed more primal, more raw, more spontaneous and uncontrolled than the realm of thoughts and ideas. And at the center of womanhood is this emotional presence, something intangible, untestable, mysterious; an energy expressed, for example, in the swaying, undulating movements of a belly-dancer, that mesmerizes and captures the attention of men and women alike. It’s that expression of freely-flowing energy in motion, in a rhythm that’s both hypnotically in sync and yet at some level unpredictable and ever-changing. It’s expression free of the limiting constraints of the rational mind, moving spontaneously and un-self-consciously, fully in the moment.

Emotions and feelings just want to be allowed to be free and express themselves in such a way, dancing to the music with abandon. But the rational mind lives in a different realm and tends to feel overwhelmed by emotion, so it seeks to control it. This is, in essence, the ongoing conflict between men and women that leaves us all out of balance and disconnected.

And yet, there is obviously something in femininity that men want. Men sense that this vibrant, powerful, free-flowing energy is important and vital to life, and that it makes things interesting and life worth living. Because without women there would be no love, and without love, at least some trickle of it, there is really no point to life. So men want to be near it, want to sense it, want to dip a toe in and taste the essence of the feminine—just without having to commit to the whole enchilada. Men want to get close to women to varying degrees; just not too close, to the point where they feel as if they’ve lost control of things.

Women, on the other hand, want to be a heck of a lot closer. They want to merge at the heart-soul level. They want to feel that sense of oneness that they know is the real purpose of life. Because they know instinctively that the feeling of oneness with another person has the potential to inspire oneness with the whole universe, and that this feeling is our true nature and eclipses anything else as being remotely important.

To the vast majority of men, however, this sort of airy-fairy, idealistic talk, in its many forms, makes absolutely no sense. They just want to get naked and screw on a fairly regular basis, and then get a good night’s sleep and get to work on time. The world of all these weird, subtle feelings, intense emotions, vague impressions and visions of something much grander happening in their relationship is a fantasy land that they don’t have time or energy for, or much interest in. It’s the wrong direction. Men are focused on the real world around them. But women always seem to want to talk about something inside them that they just can’t let go of, despite men’s not-so-subtle hints that they don’t give much of a hoot.

From the man’s point of view, it’s the women who are never satisfied. They want more communication, more information, greater insight into the depths of your soul. They always want to know what you’re thinking and feeling, when men would rather keep most of their thoughts to themselves. And if they’re feeling anything at all, it’s almost certainly irrelevant to the problem at hand. Either way, it‘s the last thing in the world they feel like talking about. Where, exactly, is the fun in that?

Why can’t women just enjoy a good screw, and consider it an exclamation point at the end of a perfectly good day, rather than a question mark that requires an answer, more talking, more explanation, more discussion, more cuddling and sharing, more intimacy…..something more that women are always nagging you for, when you’re tired and pretty well satisfied with things at that point and have nothing left you need to do or say. For men, that momentary spark of real togetherness is the conclusion at the end of the book; whereas for women it‘s just the first chapter. But the man has the cock, literally and figuratively, and when it’s spent there’s nothing much he can do anymore or so he thinks. And so he has a good excuse to turn the other way and call it a night. And the woman is left wanting much more.

The Goddess Quest, Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Yin and Yang

When it comes to sex, the basic reality is that the man is in the driver’s seat a lot of the time, and the woman is hoping and yearning for him take her somewhere she actually wants to go. This is to some extent a simple matter of our different, opposite and perfectly matching sexual physiology: the penis (lingam in Indian Sanskrit, the language of the Kama Sutra, the ancient book of love) and vagina (yoni in Sanskrit). In most of the possible sexual positions that men and women can contort themselves into, it’s necessary for the man to assume the active role, moving his lingam within her yoni, while she receives and responds to his active, masculine energy.

This simple anatomical construct automatically sets up a paradigm in which the man is in a certain amount of control over where things go. The man determines the speed, the pace, the rhythm, the force of the lovemaking, as the woman responds physically, mentally and emotionally to match the rhythm and pace set by the man. Ideally, of course, there is awareness of each other and communication, and the man also adjusts to accommodate the woman, as well as allows her to take the reigns when she chooses. But if not, then the male energy tends to be dominant.

And of course, this physical reality of the complementary opposites of male and female goes well beyond the act of sex, as it is a perfect representation of the underlying energetic distinction between masculine and feminine energies in a non-physical sense. The masculine or yang principle is action, force, moving forward, goal oriented, the giver, the call. The feminine or yin principle is receptivity, surrender, trust, embracing, being in the moment, process oriented, the response.

But a crucial concept to understand when it comes to finding balance between men and women, often stated but which always bears repeating, is that men are not all masculine and yang, and women are not all feminine and yin. We are each a mix of both, to wildly varying degrees. Men have some spark of the feminine principle within them, as women also contain masculine energy. Some women clearly have more yang than some men, and vice versa.

Recall the Taoist yin-yang symbol, in which two complementary fish-like images, one black and one white, are swirling around one another. And remember that there is a spot of black within the white symbol, and a spot of white within the black. This perfectly captures the dance of masculine (light in this case) and feminine (dark), and is an essential piece of the puzzle. Because it is indicative of the fact that men and women are actually part of one unified, coexisting force of energy, not two completely separate and opposed entities. We are very different in many ways, but wholly equal and both completely necessary for one another‘s existence. And we are inevitably, perpetually, hopelessly intertwined with one another, now and for the rest of eternity. That’s even longer than marriage. It’s worth taking the time and effort to make it an enjoyable relationship.

And yet, as much as we might agree that we are all a mix of yin and yang, masculine and feminine, light and dark, that isn’t to say that finding balance between men and women means throwing away all notions of gender roles and distinctions and acting like we’re all the same. Because as long as men are men and women are women, as long as there is the lingam and the yoni, as long as we have these human physical bodies that are so different, yet both necessary for the continuation of life, then men will tend towards the active, initiating role and women will tend towards the receptive and responsive. This is something we must simply acknowledge and work with, and that is the great challenge for us all in our relationships, to find the proper balance within this framework.

Now, if as a man you feel a hint of pride or superiority for being in the active, initiating position versus the feminine, then this is a good time to notice that and hopefully get beyond it. Unfortunately, that pride on the part of men for having the penis, and everything that goes along with it, has been the source of countless problems between men and women throughout the ages.

If there’s any truth to the concept of penis envy on the part of women, then underneath it most likely is penis resentment, and for good reason. Men have used and abused the potent power of their penises, both literally and figuratively, in every way they can possibly get away with it, to the detriment of the more subtle and less, well, cocky, powers of the feminine. Men are continually obsessed with proving the largeness and greatness of their manhood, both destructively and creatively, often simply for the sake of it; as evidenced by countless phallic symbols erected around the world such as the Eiffel Tower and the Space Needle, that are of little use other than to state boldly to all who witness it: “Here I am, a man who accomplished something.”

But simply having a cock isn’t something to get too puffed up in pride about. Roughly half the world has one, more than three billion people. And believe it or not, you didn’t actually create it. God did (or the processes of evolution, if you prefer), and handed out one of the only two available options somewhat willy-nilly: penis, vagina, penis, vagina, penis, vagina.

So instead of pride for representing the masculine side of things, there’s something else men should feel: responsibility. Because along with power comes accountability (which of course applies equally to the powers of the feminine). But due to the underlying nature of our physical as well as energetic differences, plus the cultural customs that have grown out of these distinctions, men have a great deal of affect on the overall state of relationships between men and women.

As a result of all these dynamics of yin and yang existing on multiple levels, and epitomized by that basic act of the masculine lingam entering, and being received and embraced by the feminine yoni, a woman’s pleasure, satisfaction, joy and happiness is to some extent in a man’s hands. Because the man is the movement, and the woman is the experience of and response to that movement. So be aware and conscious of how you move within women, physically and in all other ways, because that movement has the power to bring pleasure, as well as to bring pain. And when men choose to ignore the effects of how they relate with women, then everyone loses and we all suffer as a result. But women feel it the most.

And correspondingly, all of the beautiful, loving, orgasmic feminine energy that resides within each woman is available to men to experience, to the extent that they are attuned to the feminine and choose to seek it out, and are willing to enter some unknown territory. Most women have been waiting a long time for men to give up all the silly games of distraction and get down to loving them deeply and profoundly. When they do, men will discover that there is another world, another dimension to life, right under their noses, that they have been completely overlooking their entire lives while searching for something else.

Women pretty much know what they want, even if with all their attempts at communication, they don‘t get around to telling you directly. Women want to connect, interact, engage, share, learn, live, love and grow with men in a mutually cooperative and respectful partnership. Men, on the other hand, aren’t so sure they want to take it to that level, because it takes them into a realm of mystery and the unknown, the darkness within.

There is a depth to women and feminine energy that most men are simply nowhere near seeing, not to mention understanding. This book is about bridging that divide between men and women, by giving men some useful information and tools to allow them to better understand a woman’s point of view, and deeper still, a woman‘s heart. But it requires a concerted persistence on the part of the man to find that place within a woman because, simply put, women are complicated. And they’ve been let down and disregarded too often to truly open up to a man when he finally opens his eyes a little wider and takes a deeper look. Women need to know that you aren’t just going to stick a toe in, so to speak, and then decide not to take a swim. Women want to know that you’re going to stick around for the next round, and take it to the next level. Because that‘s when the real dance, the real lovemaking begins.

Goddess Quest, Chapter 5

Chapter 5. Undressing the Goddess

There are many different levels and layers to the minds, hearts and souls of women, which can be peeled away and removed as are layers of clothing, leaving them even more naked and exposed than the physical form can ever be. At their core women are deeply sensitive, vulnerable, wide open, profoundly loving and also powerful, intense beings. But don’t expect to discover the most deep-rooted, primal nature of a woman right away, or necessarily in this lifetime.

Penetrating these different layers of a woman requires corresponding levels of trust and commitment. Even women themselves aren’t necessarily aware of these different dimensions within themselves, certainly not fully. Of course everyone, men and women alike, has different levels and aspects to who they are based on the millions of things we’ve experienced in our lifetimes, positive and negative, consequential and seemingly insignificant, that have made us the complex beings that we are. But women on the whole tend to be closer to that deeper nature of loving potential within us all. And they are also hungering to a greater extent to reconnect with that potential within us, and to take human relations to the next level of intimacy, and then to the next one after that.

The most important thing is to simply have the intention that you want to experience a more meaningful, loving, honest and more dynamic relationship with your woman, or with women in general. Don’t think that you can just go up to your girlfriend or wife and say, “Honey, I’ve been reading this book that’s changed my mind about some things, and now everything is going to be different between us”…and expect that everything is in fact going to be different between the two of you. Old habits and patterns die hard. Men say they’re going to change all the time, and then they don’t. Women pretty much expect to be let down and disappointed by the lofty aspirations of men in the relationship department.

Start small, and see where it leads. It’s much more important to work at the subconscious levels than at the conscious levels. Allow your simple intention to guide you in seeking and finding a new level of relating, and of being more fully present in your relationship. Women will, in some part of themselves, pick up on the fact that you’ve made that basic shift of intention, that you’ve opened your eyes a little wider to see who they are. And most likely (though not necessarily right away), they will open themselves up a little more to meet you, as you make the conscious choice to get closer to them.

Feel things out and take your time. Be prepared to meet roadblocks, be thrown backwards, meet unpleasant emotions or circumstances, lose your way and make mistakes. It will be a learning experience for both of you to make a commitment to finding a deeper experience of love, pleasure and ultimately ecstasy, since most people have barely scratched the surface, men or women. This process means more than simply going to a new place. It also requires changing who you are along the way. If a woman is going to truly open up to a man, she needs to know and trust that he actually wants to be there, that he’s ready to go the distance, and that he can handle being and staying present with her as she opens up and exposes more of herself.

Along with that intention to change your relationship, you’ll need to make another commitment. That is to allow yourself to learn something from your woman. And not just something, but a lot. That doesn’t necessarily mean that everything she says is right, and everything you know to be true is wrong. It means committing to a mutually beneficial relationship of learning from and evolving along with one another. It means seeing your relationship as a journey of adventure and discovery, and choosing to see your woman as a source of great knowledge and wisdom.

If you’re not really that interested in taking a deeper look at yourself, but just want women to be more interesting and attractive to you, then you may as well put this book down. If you’re not ready to actually make a change at your own core being to some extent, then any changes in the right direction will only be on the very surface and won’t amount to much in the long run. You’ve got to be ready to open not only your eyes but your ears, and hear what women have to say, as well as what they’re really saying underneath what they’re saying. In short, you’ve got to listen, and not just with your ears and your mind, but with your heart and with your soul.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Goddess Quest, Chapter 6

Chapter 6. Stop and ask for directions

Whether or not, as the man, you happen to find yourself in the driver’s seat, there’s something important to keep in mind: the woman has the map. The age-old scenario is that the man is so attached to acting like he’s in charge and knows where he’s going, that he would rather drive around in circles, hoping to stumble across his destination by chance, than stop and ask someone to help him out and tell him how to get there.

But if you’re finally tired of endlessly driving around in circles in your relationship, and ready to humble yourself a bit and admit you could make use of some clues, then look no further than your own woman. Women tend to know intuitively when the relationship is going in the right direction and when it isn’t. This is to a great extent because relationships are in the realm of the invisible, and women generally have a greater knack in this department than men.

Relationships are all about the unseen. A relationship isn’t something easily defined or grasped, that you can say definitively “Here it is, this is what it looks like, where it is and what it consists of”. They are primarily about feelings, emotions, impressions, thoughts, ideas, assumptions, agreements, visions, desires, exchanges and connections on subtle planes of being.

Men prefer to deal with things they can get their hands on and manipulate through force. We love the exhilaration that comes from resolving a good challenge such as a car that’s stuck in the snow or a lug nut that won’t come off, or a game that must be won. The problems that come up in relationships are a different story, and can‘t be solved through the same sorts of tactics in the slightest. They tend to involve experiences and exchanges going on within and between people that can be hard to be aware of even at the time, let alone deal with and straighten out sometime after the fact. This is why women are always wanting more communication; because they are more in touch with the unseen realms, and they want to be there in the present, look at what‘s really going, know what each other is actually thinking and feeling, explore it, be aware of those subtle things going on, deal with them and make sense of them.

And one of the reasons for this is because there’s this deeper level of relating that women want to engage in, this other realm of deeply loving interaction that most relationships are pretty much disconnected from. There’s another world that women want to enter into with men, to explore together, that they have the map to because they know subconsciously that there is a much deeper love available to be experienced, if they could just guide men into that place, or else be guided there, whatever it takes to make it happen. But as long as men are insistent on being the ones in charge, unwilling to consider the real input of women as they drive around in circles, acting like they know where they’re going and as if they don’t need any more information, then there remains this gap, and in many cases a chasm, between men and women that can seem impossible to bridge.

Goddess Quest, Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Attuning to the feminine

If you really want to discover the true potential that exists between men and women, and begin to experience the depths of loving, orgasmic, ecstatic energy that resides within the hidden layers of women, then the most important thing is to make a commitment to learn something from the wisdom of the feminine. Accept the idea that women have within them vital keys to life, that they hold within them that map to a hidden treasure, in another world in which life is more colorful and interesting, and love is more abundant. With that in mind, open your eyes and ears a bit wider, be willing to listen more, acknowledge more, see deeper into the realms of the feminine and recognize that your woman has a voice and ideas that are wholly equal to your own. Make the intention to create a relationship where the energy flows back and forth, both ways, so that you are both giving and both receiving from each other, and learning about each other in the process, rather than sticking to your positions that you’re right and that’s all there is to it.

Again, that isn’t to say that in an ideal world men and women should blur the lines, drop everything that defines them and stop being distinctly male or female. Finding balance between the sexes doesn’t have to mean, for example, that you make sure the woman is on top exactly 50% of the time, in the bedroom or otherwise. The important thing is simply for men and women to both be happy with the arrangement, whatever it is, rather than women putting up with things as they are and accepting that that’s just how they have to be, or vice versa. What needs to happen is simply for men and women to both open more to one another, and engage in a mutually cooperative relationship where they are both learning more about each other‘s differing points of view, and thus evolving and growing towards one another. That’s the way to bridge the gap.

But the thing is, women are accustomed already to opening to men. Women have always heard the voices of men. The thoughts and ideas and desires and visions of men are everywhere and have always been out there in the open for everyone to see. It’s the voices of women that have been stifled and ignored, hidden away in the dark, suppressed, distorted and ridiculed. And as a result their wisdom, their perspective and input that would bring balance and thus real peace, harmony and love to life has been missing.

So the burden is really on the men now to realize that, although our male-dominated societies throughout recent history have produced wondrous, great things, whether it’s grand buildings and sprawling cities, high-tech lasers and modern medicine, airplanes and computers, advanced weaponry, space technology, cell phones, the internet and the list could go on ad infinitum, something important is still missing. Something is out of balance. I won’t bore you with a long account of all the signs that our world is in a state of crisis, as we see the evidence all around us now, becoming more and more difficult to ignore and deny. And ultimately it isn’t something that can be proven. It can only be sensed, felt, intuitively known that things aren’t quite as they should be in the world today and that a big part of the solution is that the Goddess must awaken and rise to take her rightful place as an equal alongside the male God who has hovered over our cultures without a balancing counterpart for so long.

So I hope that you will enjoy, as well as gain some useful information from what some very intelligent and creative women have to say about all these thought-provoking topics in Part 2 of this book.