Gabriel Morris in India

Gabriel Morris in India
A mysterious cave in south India.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

To Hili Smith (Hili Corinne)

With Hili Smith (Hili Corinne) on the Lost Coast, California
On the beautiful Lost Coast of northern California.

With Hili Smith (Hili Corinne) in the Sierra Nevada mountains, California
Camping somewhere in the Sierra Nevada mountains.

Netherlands, summer 2016. Photo by Daniela


  1. That was a very emotional story. But, let me ask this: have you ever considered that maybe hilis sole purpose on your path was to leave that hole there, so maybe something more real, and more divinely designed toward you could enter? And fill it? I ask only because i had a very similiar experience. This man broke me. Broke me in a way that, in 37 years, i have not felt. Luckily, i happened to have a.wonderful healer get in touch with me, and after a visit with her, lots of writing, thinking, a few small syncronicities, and some other things i was pursuing, all on the path to healing, i had my breakthrough. I realized this mans purpose for me was to do just what he did. I had to break down to open up. As soon as i thought that, my kundalini awakening shot up through me, and yes, it all made sense. All the pain, the heartache, it all had such greater purpose for me....maybe that could be the case for you too. Love and light, my friend. ��

    1. Great thoughts, thank you for the perspective and for sharing your own story. I have no doubt there is a reason and a purpose for it all! As silly and cliche as it may sound, I do believe there is a reason for everything, and there is definitely an important lesson to be learned here (a bunch of lessons, no doubt).

      The most difficult thing for me to accept and move past with all this, is how she twisted me into someone she felt she needed to go to the extent of contacting people warning them to watch out for me, telling people I wasn't who I appeared to be, trashing me to my own friends and to others to the extent that multiple people unfriended me on facebook without explaining why. And all the while I was in a place of kindness and love and never expressed anything to her to deserve this sort of extremely uncaring, unkind, downright harsh treatment. I still just can't believe what she did to me, and it still hurts. I really hope that someday she will be able to see things from another perspective and understand how hurtful she was towards someone who only felt love for her. To treat someone like that, and then block them out completely and not allow them the chance to try to understand and straighten things out is just really cruel. My heart and my intentions have been in the right place, I know this. All I was ever wanting was true reconciliation and understanding with someone I shared my soul with, and for that I was basically treated like a psycho. That's really difficult to accept and not want to try to change and rectify somehow.

      But at the same time, I know this is to a great extent about her inability to understand the consequences of her actions and is a matter of her projections onto me. I'm not at all the terrible person she decided I was: an obsessive, irresponsible stalker, basically. When you hurt someone this badly, it's pretty natural for them to want to talk with that person and work things out. If she can't make that distinction and have some forgiveness and understanding for why I couldn't just leave things as they were, then that's her issue. And so it's a lesson for me in not taking in other people's perspectives of me, and standing strong as the person I know that I am. Anyway thanks again for the feedback.

  2. I have a super-long comment about this post, and it is so long it will not be accepted in the comment form. I'm going to go ahead and email it as it has information that could be helpful to you as you heal from this experience. I've had one (actually, two) very similar to this, and some experience with what to do with it/how to integrate it (as well as more possible insight about why it happens). Anyway, the email explains more, including addressing the fact that I have felt "stalker-y" with commenting on your writing, etc. The email acknowledges this and also notes, with some irony, that you were falsely accused of the same in this story (which made me laugh a little bit because I am feeling the same!). Like you in this post, I don't want to be perceived as doing this. In the comment I express why I have been so keen to respond to your writing, etc. of late. FWIW, it might help give another perspective on the story you tell here.

    Anywho, I'll send it on, but wanted to leave a heads up here as to what the email is about.

    Peace out,

    1. Thanks for the feedback Karin! It's appreciated especially on this difficult topic that's really messed with my life for a number of years. A big lesson and challenge for sure. I will read your email more closely when I find the right time. Enjoy the day, namaste.

    2. Yeah, absolutely. In my first experience with this, it completely turned my life upside down, so I really get it, totally. I'm still living out the ripples, ten years later and it touched every area of my life. The second situation was slightly less painful after the first one, but had a big impact.

      No rush on any response. Like you wrote, when the time is right, it'll happen. No worries on my end of it.

      Be well.